


SOARE SI LUNA

by laladupsi



Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst, F/M, Monologue, Short Story, based on prompt, thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-16
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:08:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21818659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laladupsi/pseuds/laladupsi
Summary: various general open-ended shorts
Kudos: 1





	1. REM Sleep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why did evolution decide to outlaw muscle activity during REM sleep?

_Why did evolution decide to outlaw muscle activity during REM sleep?_

The pages of the book feel very soft against my finger. The warmth of the coffee I made earlier still lingers in my throat. This feels nice.

The evening light is dim, my curtain casting an orange glow to the entire space of the room. It’s a little bit cold, it even rained. The rain is fake; it’s just the sound effect behind the music I’m listening to. But I like to think it’s real.

“What are you doing?” 

I can make out what he’s saying. I didn’t respond. I put on earphones for a reason. My mind is somewhere else; I’d like to be somewhere else.

I think he’s repeating himself. I give up and look up from this paragraph I’ve been trying to fathom. 

“Huh?” I say, devoid of any emotion.

“...” He thinks. “Never mind. Enjoy your reading.” With that, he goes back to his room (or out the front door? I don’t really care). 

Times like these, which might as well be every second of the past two years, makes me wonder if I’m a bad person. _He_ definitely isn’t. He didn’t do anything wrong, since the first time I met him. He just makes bad decisions, such as marrying me. It’s not his fault I have given up on “love” since I was in college. It’s not his fault I don’t tell _anyone_ my thoughts. It’s not his fault I don’t let him know who I actually am, in fact I don’t let anyone know who I am. It’s not his fault I would never love him.

But I, too, didn’t do anything wrong. I just think this is all meaningless. Two years ago, I gave up. I already saw this coming. I took Statistics and Probability back then and I knew there was almost zero probability that I could live the way I want to. Might as well let it go. Have my fate be chosen for me.

I could never bring myself to cry at the thought of this, no matter how hard I tried. It’s like, I have accepted this fate. Not being able to choose. I always thought to myself, _at least I still have my mind, my sleep, and my dreams_. Those are the only places I can choose for myself.

_Why did evolution decide to outlaw muscle activity during REM sleep?_

I realize I’m still on the same god damn paragraph. This book often throws questions I didn’t even know you could think of. It’s very easy to get lost in the scientific words. I force myself to get the gist and move on to the next line.

_Because by eliminating muscle activity you are prevented from acting out your dream experience._

Perhaps they’re right. I get chased a lot in my dreams. I killed a lot in my dreams. I _loved_ a lot in my dreams. I’m at peace a lot in my dreams. If anyone knew what I dream of, they would probably be heartbroken. 

I read the line once more before getting up from the sofa to get my highlighter. I stroke a bright yellow line across these words. My chest feels tight.

I sit back on the sofa, looking out the window. It’s cold. It actually rained outside. I’m back in my college dorm room, alone. This feels nice.


	2. Hibiscus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some dreams keep coming home to you

I hold him tight. He holds me even tighter, as the warm lingers around us.

  
_This feels nice_ , I thought. _Whoever this is, it’s nice._

  
I am in the arms of a shadowy dreamlike figure. I only sensed warmth and I only saw darkness. None of it is any form of evil, but rather unknown familiarity. A name only on the tip of tongue. Too good to be true.

  
“You are?” I try saying the words but they only end up in my mind.

  
He doesn't answer; well, of course, because I didn’t say anything. I don’t care anyway. I just want to indulge in the warmth; something so tough to get, too good to be true.

  
And indeed, it is too good to be true. Because immediately after I thought of it, I wake up in my dorm room, holding _myself_. I feel an extreme loss, even though I’m surrounded by the familiarity of my room. And it’s not like it’s the first time I have a dream like that. It’s not the first time I met him. Not the first time we hold each other.

  
_Who are you? Where are you in this world?_

  
I try my best to hold on to the feeling; the lingering warmth. I don’t know when I would be blessed with these dreams again.

  
_I miss you already._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think im gonna post my shorts on ao3 starting now :)


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